Grumblesssss

The frustrated moment when you found that your uni life isn't fun like what you had imagine.....

Orz *drowned*

I guess this will be an emo entry. 

Of course when I was first enter here, I met new people, I made new friends, I saw different kind of funny people, it's fun, it's happy everyday but when the time flies, I started to see the ugliness of the things behind. It can be my problems, it also can be other's prob but eventually I hardly to be happy anymore.

Talk about my problem.. THERE IS SURE HELL LOTS OF PROBLEM! I lazy, I procrastinate, I impatient bla bla I just can't count how many weak points I have. What's wrong with me??! Everything is just so wrong. LOL. This sem is the worst sem ever. I'm flooded with the lab reports, I dealt with the most annoying and troublesome auto cad assignments. These all done last minute-ly. I have time but I rather spent time doing nothing checking facebook updates, plurking, watch movies like there is no tomorrow then when the deadline is straight in front me (not around the corner), then I rushed like hell to finish them. I'm so get used of not doing homeworks, relax doing nothing. Laziness kills me. I killed myself orz. I'm not a genius, so my last minutes works aren't that good also, can be considered bad. Guess I will not having good result for this sem also, and this actually made me feel so frustrated. Then I spent too much enjoy, and actually really kinda met the situation of "I don't have money to buy my dinner". I even had the nightmare of I'm totally out of money. So now, waking up in the morning can be the hardest part in my life cause once I woke up, I have to face the troubles of assignments and money. :(

About other people.... Yeah I admit I'm an ego and bad temper person. I really hate group works. I hate it when they don't corporate, they didn't do their works nicely. Yeah I can accept copy and paste work, cause I'm doing so also lol, but I really cannot accept you cope and paste BLINDLY. You're not reading what you had copy, you're not understanding the title given. For sure everyone is doing their assignments is because that is a "MUST" for an university student but please think, why the hell you need to do assignments? Don't mention about learning something, I bet rarely got people think so. MARKS. Marks that can decide your class honours which is printed on you certificate! Hell yeah, we all doing the damn fucking assignments because of the marks, because we want to get a better result, because we want to graduate as a first class honours students (or second is more possible lol). I don't care you simply copy paste in your individual works, but in group, you need to be responsible to other members. This isn't about you, is about everyone. You get screwed, so do I. You're screwed because you sucks, I'm screwed because YOU SUCKS! 

But actually this sem I'm same like them so I'M A SUCK-ISH BITCH also.

And after I get to know someone even deeply, I found that.... It's really hard to get along with people. Yeah especially princess typed girls. I wanted to say this long long time ago:

"You might be diamond in your parent's eyes, you might be the best among your friends, you might be the most special one in the hearts who loved you, but you're NOTHING to me. Seriously, nothing. You don't act like you're the king of my little kingdom, I don't give a damn!"

I'm just sick of every time have to face someone's gloomy face. I know life is stress, I know sometimes you're tired but please please please, don't splasshhhh your anger to the innocent one. We're not living to please you. We have our own emotions and feelings also. Why the fuck we get screwed when we done nothing bad on you?! Tell me whyyyyyyyy! Let me tell ya something, when you're going outside, you're not the little princess/prince in your palace dy. I'm not asking you to please others la, but also no need make everyone need to see your face ma. It's very irritating!  We always have to look out for someone's mood swings and it's so damnnnn annoying!  *pissed*

Btw, do you know what's called "RIGHT" aka HAK (in case you're sucks in english or malay, chinese is 权利) ! You have right to SAY NO. Oh please, no need pretend like you care about others feelings, cause at the end when you're doing the things you don't want to do eventually you will show us your sien face also. We look at you also sien, sincerely we're better off without you! You're a grown up person dy, you can live alone right? Don't force yourself to be fit with us oh please no no no cause at last we need to care your little fragile heart and your unstable emotion making us feel like we're holding a bomb that will explode ANYTIME! If I got the chance not to ask you out, believe me I will!

Actually other than that, uni life can be fun also lah. I really met people I can get along with, I really had fun too! *serious face* haha I only can say, you can't live alone but at the same time you hardly get well with some people and this is so called life. 

The Coming University's Life

After a long waiting for almost half a year, i get my university notice already. I did bad in my USM interview as i wrote before in my blog (--click to read--), so i totally get screwed up. I failed in USM intake. Instead, i get the offer from University Tun Hussein Onn Malaysia (UTHM) located at Batu Pahat, Johor. The course i get offered is Bachelor of Civil Engineering Technology (Building Services) Honours.

Is it the course i get was in my options when i fill the form? YES, it is. Yet it's my fifth option. Why i choose this? It's a stupid long story. Ask me if you really wanna know. LOL 

At first i was like cannot accept the truth of getting an unknown course that dunno what's the actual career available for it. Not to mention this university is not in my wanting list. But then what i can do? I can't reject the offer and go find a better university and course to study. Can't afford for the costly fee of private university. :(

 And yes, i'm actually very disappointed cause i can't in any better university. Never think of i'll have day like this. Maybe i was too lucky before, everything just as smooth as i wanted it to be. So now, i'm really frustrated cause i can't get the one i want and this is very important matter that will affects my future. I know some of you would say "They accept you so you just go for it. It's better than none." Well, better said than done. Very easy for you to say something like that, you haven't been in my shoes and i know you wouldn't care less. So i'm not going to ask anyone's opinion anymore. 

Did some research on my course and my university. Basically it's not a satisfying answer for me. Perhaps I'm asking too much. Too much to think, wanting too much, uncertainty for future, all of these stop you from moving on. So imma follow and continue with what i have now. I believe i can change it, i can do better than others. Although what i get is carbon, but i can make it into diamond also. haha nah, just kidding. :P

This week started to prepare all the documents needed for university and applying for ptptn loan. It's pretty troublesome and i feel so lazy to do it. LOL procrastination and laziness will kill me someday. Today just done my medical check-up, everything is normal. But my coughing still haven't fully recovered. = = Having tonnes of problems in my mind! Urghhh. 

Shoo problems shoo troubles! Gotta sleep now. 

-The end-

The Hare and the Tortoise

I feel so depressed when today i dunno how to do MT1 during the exam. Then i get back my physics paper 2, yeah well as usual result again. That seriously made me feel worst. I know my maths is not good, but i do really take it seriously. I studied mt only last night, that cause me didn't study PA at all and of cause today also can't do well in PA paper. But then when comes to exam, it seems like nothing is in my head. So with physics, i asked seniors to help us, i spend my time my energy too for physics but i still get bad result at last. I thought i understand all those things that they taught, or just actually i didn't get it but i dunno? 

Perhaps this is because of my own attitude. Just like the hare in the story of "The Hare and the Tortoise". I'm too ego. Just because i think that i can do it then i stop and take a rest while the they're still moving to the destination. At last, this is what i am, A LOSER. 

Now and then i should try to change myself before stpm. Feel so hopeless and don't want sit for stpm already. Just can't take the failure again :(